The Morning My Heart Tore


This morning I wanted to have a good day…a serene day. I started early with reading and recalibrating myself in 1 Thessalonians. Coffee was on, the snow was falling peacefully on the ground and bread was rising on the kitchen counter. Things looked good and my heart was content.

Mr. A was getting ready for school and I realized that he was close to missing his bus. Some slacking on his part put him behind schedule and I was fearing that I would have to load all the kids in the car, clean the snow off of it and navigate my way to school through the thick layer of white powder.

It didn’t turn out that way but that’s not important. What’s worth mentioning is that I lost my cool, I raised my voice and crushed his spirit in the process. The good bye was harsh with tears streaming down his cheeks as he muttered “Bye, Mom. I LOVE you”. And that’s when my heart sank. He dragged his feet through the snow with his head bowed and I started to panic. He loved me…raised voice and all.

I quickly put on my boots and coat and started running after him…His eyes still red from crying. I apologized through tears, squeezing him tight, trying to repair things in the short seconds left before he had to go. I felt like a looser. I was one. So I sit here praying for forgiveness knowing that we have to mend things when he comes home and talk about what happened over a slice of buttered homemade bread. Praying for sweet restoration. I love this kid.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law”  Gal. 5:22-23

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5 thoughts on “The Morning My Heart Tore

    • His first words when he got back were: “Hi Mom. I forgive you for yelling at me this morning. I didn’t like that”. Just plain and simple. And we moved on. Beautiful.

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